1 day & counting

i am writing up lists for bb daddy: make sure to talk to him about the location of his nose & his toes; add eggs to his menu, & butter & whole milk; point to stuff; ask him if he would rather have peaches or blueberries or toast; encourage him to build a tower... breakfast, snack, playtime, lunch, nap, snack, music, then i will be home again (to see him eat dinner, have a bath & go to sleep)...

this little journey, this love affair, started not quite a year ago (i left work a week early simply because i could no longer remember my name & had trouble walking on my flip flopped swollen feet). hmm now that i think about it - that was the last week that bb daddy & i went out to a movie (argh)! so much (& so little) has happened since that not so tiny bundle pushed his way into the world (after some 42 hours of labour).

we started here:

each of us (bb daddy included) went on instinct & love & it just seemed to work for us (ok the hospital staff were awesome & having my sister here for a couple days saved our lives). the whole crazy thing (having babies & having babies in your 40's) seemed so natural & despite rocky first 2 weeks (dr induced *sigh*) we hit a groove & an understanding quickly.

maybe i'm romantizing the whole thing now that we have been through it; it just seems like it was pretty amazing & magical (no purple baby crying, or colic & we managed to sleep 3 or 4 or 6 hours at a time) so we count ourselves lucky.

it's just that now that we are here:

everything that made our lives easier - love & understanding & bonding - makes it so hard to leave. i literaly feel incomplete if i go out for dinner or to the store without my little appendage snuggly latched to my hip & arm. i automatically order food we can share & i cut up my sandwiches & fruit into little bite sized pieces...

i've been thinking about this blog ' a year of living differently' now that my year is over - do i continue writing? i guess the rest of my life will be lived differently because we are now three (or six if you count the animals); because we have a bb boy who is magic: with brilliant starlit blue eyes, who dances to r&b, & smiles sweetly to strangers & offers them his cookies, who is remarkably strong & lithe, who`s downy hair now golden, still whisps into a fauxhawk, who is curious & careful & fearless all at the same time (unless you baaa in his face).

i guess my life will be lived differently because i have this son who makes me think about beauty & bubbles & a better world & has made me a gentler person...