"It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

perhaps the opposite can be said sometimes as well - do not forget to make time to dream (it has been a little busy around here). tango - love the coloured clothes pegs... we took bb boy to stand under the massive lit tree @ english bay just as dusk was rolling in.

left is ~t~
right is ~d~

this is 8000clicks between chicks

Our lives teach us who we are.

an interesting question : are we what we make of our lives or do our decisions & our destinations teach us more about who we really are? living in the mountains of portugal, knitting & planting herbs seemingly far from the cga world; or wrapped in the hustle & bustle of the city but listening carefully to the whisper of nature & passing that along to the little one who is fascinated by every little thing.

left is ~t~
right is ~d~

this is 8000clicks between chicks

from dusk till dawn

ok - i must say - that was much more difficult than i expected. away in the country for thanksgiving weekend, working all day then getting my butt back out of the house for a post dusk photoshoot just seemed a bit beyond me. but here it tis...

left is ~t~
right is ~d~

this is 8000clicks between chicks

on the road

in the spirit of 'better late than never' & international relations, tango november & djbeat have joined shutter forces once again to bring you this highly poignant yet brief message regarding what 'on the road' means to them: literally or figuratively (or on the seawall as it turns out)...

oooh - i like how this came together...

flickr friday

i am fueling my flickr friday with my 'things i love thursday':

1. fruit, 2. B L U E B E R R I E S, 3. a taste of summer, 4. flare berry, 5. Cherries Are My Favourite Fruit, 6. one word : summer, 7. ..., 8. fruit cup, 9. 220/365: Fruity, 10. the grape escape., 11. The elusive fruit of the photo before, 12. 96/365: The cherry on the cake

Created with fd's Flickr Toys

water

water a source of life - interesting in a droplet, calming in a trickle & powerful in a torrent; the capacity to reflect, to move & to amuse... bb boy is facinated by water in the many forms he has been introduced & he loves to water the garden.

left is ~t~
right is ~d~

this is 8000clicks between chicks

home

home is & takes meaning from so many elements - the people, the moods, the memories, the sounds, the things & the thoughts... today in portugal it is a surfer, ochre & a harmonica : in vancouver it is a toddler & a teddie & formula 1...

left is ~t~
right is ~d~

this is 8000clicks between chicks

bb birthday

photo by jessie

my kid (all 368 days of him) is cooler & more chill than i think i have ever been. it kind of makes me laugh & maybe this will all change sometime in the future - but for now he is all about exploring the world - seeing people - touching stuff... i distinctly remember being petrified of everything at a very young age.

it was his first birthday last weekend - each time we think back on it - on him we are amazed... he walked around for 4 hours stopping to play with toys, pick rocks out of the planter, eat, play with friends, talk to people, mash his fingers in a cake, then off to something else. he was patient and entertained & entertaining & i can't imagine ever being quite so agreeable...

just another parent rambling about their next to awesome child - for me it is more about my amazement at where this personality comes from & how little i think i have done to help him be the way he is... i hope he continues to be a better person than me - what more could i hope for...

between the lines

we were reading between the lines this week - the vineyard and the newly refinished deck (here comes the rain edition).

left is ~t~
right is ~d~

this is 8000clicks between chicks

refresh me

ok - i have decided to post... it is 6 days past the end of mat leave & the counter started ticking UP not DOWN i am taking that as a sign... we are still alive.

left is ~t~
right is ~d~

this is 8000clicks between chicks

1 day & counting

i am writing up lists for bb daddy: make sure to talk to him about the location of his nose & his toes; add eggs to his menu, & butter & whole milk; point to stuff; ask him if he would rather have peaches or blueberries or toast; encourage him to build a tower... breakfast, snack, playtime, lunch, nap, snack, music, then i will be home again (to see him eat dinner, have a bath & go to sleep)...

this little journey, this love affair, started not quite a year ago (i left work a week early simply because i could no longer remember my name & had trouble walking on my flip flopped swollen feet). hmm now that i think about it - that was the last week that bb daddy & i went out to a movie (argh)! so much (& so little) has happened since that not so tiny bundle pushed his way into the world (after some 42 hours of labour).

we started here:

each of us (bb daddy included) went on instinct & love & it just seemed to work for us (ok the hospital staff were awesome & having my sister here for a couple days saved our lives). the whole crazy thing (having babies & having babies in your 40's) seemed so natural & despite rocky first 2 weeks (dr induced *sigh*) we hit a groove & an understanding quickly.

maybe i'm romantizing the whole thing now that we have been through it; it just seems like it was pretty amazing & magical (no purple baby crying, or colic & we managed to sleep 3 or 4 or 6 hours at a time) so we count ourselves lucky.

it's just that now that we are here:

everything that made our lives easier - love & understanding & bonding - makes it so hard to leave. i literaly feel incomplete if i go out for dinner or to the store without my little appendage snuggly latched to my hip & arm. i automatically order food we can share & i cut up my sandwiches & fruit into little bite sized pieces...

i've been thinking about this blog ' a year of living differently' now that my year is over - do i continue writing? i guess the rest of my life will be lived differently because we are now three (or six if you count the animals); because we have a bb boy who is magic: with brilliant starlit blue eyes, who dances to r&b, & smiles sweetly to strangers & offers them his cookies, who is remarkably strong & lithe, who`s downy hair now golden, still whisps into a fauxhawk, who is curious & careful & fearless all at the same time (unless you baaa in his face).

i guess my life will be lived differently because i have this son who makes me think about beauty & bubbles & a better world & has made me a gentler person...

back to school shopping

no matter how many years have passed since my last real 'back to school' shopping days, i always get a little tingle this time of year (it may actually be a stronger tingle than the one generated by '15 shopping days till christmas' ads). whenever i see one of those ads with cheery kids in spanky new clothes & groovy pencils cases i just want to run (or skip) to a store & bury myself in piles of recycled 'au currant' coloured craft paper...

i have, on occasion, offered to take my friends kids or have taken my own niece & nephews to the store to go through the school provided checklist of supplies (you would be shocked who ends up having the best prices). this year i kinda feel like i AM going back to school & i can, finally, get excited about the toys & tools & supplies for my own desk... only 6 more days till i go back to WORK!!

i will admit to buying a coach bag the other day (i hardly even had to rationalize it) ok - i did - it was on sale & it fits my laptop (& the grandest rationalization of all - it also works as a diaper bag). i am not the first to discover the label laptop/diaper bag (coulda picked up th e louis vuitton)...

hmmm, gonna need some shoes too...

back to those last 6 days off...

19 days & counting

how is this done? how is one supposed to leave everything they have become accustomed to for the past 365 days & make this drastic change (leave my bb behind?). hmm. i guess i asked myself the exact same thing at the other end of my mat leave - how do people do this? have a child - change the many years of carefree life for a future of being depended on & putting yourself last? the thing is - i can hardly remember anything else but this life.

bb boy is 11 months old today! he has changed so much but there are little things that are him that have been him since the beginning... the way he sees with his hands - he touches everything - when he is nursing he searches for my hand - touches my fingers, my palm, my wrist (like he knows who he touches & how to find comfort)... he listens to every sound (from his first hours in the hospital he held his head up cocked, his eyes (seeing so poorly then - were wide open) now he bobs his head to music, to the repetitive hum of a boat or the tweeting of nearby birds & he grins widely.

where is dada?

where is kitty?

where is hunter?

where is the bird?

he looks around expectantly until he finds exactly what is looking for & he grins widely (i cheer)... how can i leave him when there is so much more for him to learn (& so much more for me to understand & so much more for me to cheer)?

imagine you are somewhere nice

like a beach.. the words of my dentist as he leans toward me with a syringe in his hand. i close my eyes quickly to block out the rest of the needle & i immediately start trying to conjure a beach! to my great dismay & consternation (i discover quite quickly) i have no imagination!

this concerns me. as a creative person - i've always believed i have a healthy imagination (these two things seem to go hand in hand). though i do remember my dad once told me that i had an incredible imagination as a child (drawing fantastic inventions & the like) but the school system squashed that imagination out of me in grade one!

i spent the whole time in the dentist's chair thinking about why i could not conjure up a beach (in the end, that fixation and obsession that may have been just as effective as the thought of bright sand and margaritas...) when he asked me @ the end of our session - "do you have any concerns?" my only response was "i'm worried that my imagination could not get me out of this chair" - he says "ìt hardly ever does". this experience has left me feeling deficient (& a little numb - at least on the left side of my face)...

Imagination is more important than knowledge... Albert Einstein

summer

i have had the shutter sisters one word project on my mind since the annoucement of july's word: "summer" (maybe i just have summer on my mind because i finally get one). perhaps as a theme it is a bit too obvious - but it's gotten me thinking about what summer means (past & present).

i feel a richness of history having lived in the city & the country & briefly on a farm... thinking about summer makes me slightly nostalgic for days as a child; i can still smell the sweet scent of fresh mown hay & can feel the chill of the water as we floated down the river. we camped (in a tent, then a tent trailer, then a caravan), we went to camp (sang our little hearts out & swung on the biggest tarzan swing), we took family holidays that always included cousins & lakes & fresh fruit (weeping willows are still my favorite tree because of kelowna & still remember the feeling of riding in the back of auntie bobbie`s station wagon with a pile of kids eating cherries). we rode our bikes to the garden (we never wanted to weed it but we always loved to harvest) & stopped along the road to pick wild berries (why can`t i just make a pincherry pie, or can a saskatoon berry now).

those summers are still so much a part of me - i am that kid jokingly paddling a canoe the wrong way & that teenager in the too short cut-offs (why was i ever let outside in those). i am in awe of summer & i am soaking it up - it is the first time since i was 21 that i had the whole sum sum summertime off.

he cracks me up

the world is a pretty serious place (don't even get me started on recessions, depression, or old what's his name jackson). but my world is pretty damn funny thanks to my bb daddy... he cracks me up fairly regularly (he wears goofy hats, he can turn a clever phrase, he makes funny noises for our bb, he understands irony)... today he saw the sign & said "slow - we don't need no stinking slow" (i put that in quotes even though that wasn't really what he said!)

his idea - his implementation - my finger on the shutter:

happy birthday sweetheart

it takes a community...

they say it takes a village to raise a child - it then must take a community to raise a really good garden...

there are 5 community gardens within 4 blocks of my home: some are brand new, some have been growing & transforming over the last several years. they are city projects, private endeavours and one is just locals grabbing a piece of ground & making something out of it...

i have been planning to do this story for ages (last week i managed to leave home without an card in my camera) - but we went today (the only rainy day in the last two months!) the first garden is a land grab - neighbours who have collected bricks & rocks & soil & have planted both fruits & veg as well as decorative plants under the burrard street bridge. they are tenacious - as are their plants.

the second is omni's land (developers) - they had planned to develop the land before the economic crisis hit (numerous real estate projects halted in vancouver). they have cleared & tilled the land & put in boxes & allowed the community to take over (as an aside, there is a mural painted all along one wall - part of the granville street bridge) so it makes for a bright spot!

the third on our tour is the city's endeavour (& the newest to the westend). a newly vacant lot has been transformed into a literal oasis. there are thousands of tomatoes alone - i have heard people wonder aloud 'why don't the homeless just take these?' - i believe, just given the community we live in & the idea this type of garden promotes - that the tomato owners would not mind if those who needed them most just helped themselves.

the fourth is a stunning centerpiece to one of the coolest co-op communities in the city. a collection of heritage houses has been transformed & the land that runs between & around them is garden - kitchen gardens, bee gardens, fruit trees etc. it is one of the best examples of 'community' i have seen. i love to walk through their back lane - sometimes sit on a bench & just listen to the kids & birds.

across from the mole hill co-op is nelson park - the city has recently redone the park (i'm not completely sure why) but the upshot is there is a new section (just half of the length of the park) that is run by the community. this is a truly lovely collection of gardens - very creative - bamboo & driftwood fences & stone walkways.

View westend community gardens in a larger map

their garden is their gallery

well, not really, these two are lucky enough to have a wonderful gallery & gardens! i have been meaning to find this garden for several yeas now - friends have come home from holidays with art work from their gallery & stories of the magical gardens. we finally made it (me, bb boy & mom & dad). oohs and ahhs at nearly every corner - a pot of succulents arranged in colourful rows, shells and glowing marbles in a garden path, buddhas peering serenely from behind brilliant day lilys, secret benches surrounded by chirping birds & mosaic saints. i'm sure it takes several visits to see it all (& even that wouldn't do as the plants change seasonally & the treasures are continually added to...)

the place is barton & leier gallery & gardens (nixie barton and grant leier are full time artists). their art work is fantastic - though very different in style & method - they clearly compliment each other. & bb grandpa bought one of their books for bb boy - roberston rat - looks like it will be a treasure for years (grant was nice enough to sign it for our little treasure).

took a walk with my dad today

my dad has been wanting to take photos of this lovely grove of arbutus for sometime. as we were driving past it this afternoon (& bb boy was napping) we decided to stop for a quick photo shoot. i think it was the first time ever we purposely set out to take photos together (oh no - except my cousin's wedding 10 years ago) but i have to say it is my dad i have to thank for my desire, ability & maybe even a little of my photog style... our family is used to stopping to wait while dad takes photos of flowers, rocks, moss, people etc... we have been subjected to (yes mostly happily) hours of slide shows over the years (it seems the digital age has only slightly changed his methods).

the grove was amazing - brunt moss crunched beneath our feet, grasses swishes and chattered in the breeze. the arbutus reached up majestically from the black soil, red arms, peeling and achy touched the blue blue sky.

while my dad took photos of the arbutus i took photos of almost everything else & together we took several minutes out to track down an adorable little quail! walking with my dad is like walking around with an encyclopedia or nature book - he knows pretty much everything (i might have learned a thing or two from him about this too). it was nice though brief walk (mom called to say bb boy woke up crying) i'm glad we took time to stop (instead of just talking about it)...

ah europe...

sigh. i made it through the month of may without dying of a broken heart (we had been planning a month in europe with bb boy almost from the time i got pregnant), downturn, upturn, second thoughts whatever it was - it`s done. one of the first times in 6 or 7 years without ancient stone walls, ochre light or the sounds of le bon vie to sooth my wanderlust...

so, i was happy to visit the latest vancouver art gallery exhibition : vemeer to rembrandt; standing in front of the works of these masters takes me overseas & back in time. we are so lucky to have such amazing pieces traveling the world - reminding us where we came from & what we can be as artists. there are truly wonderful things at home (these are simply a coupleof them)...

& besides we are going to san francisco next week for a week - i`m so looking forward to it...